well if u been reading my blog you would know whats going on in my life. today i had to let go of sumone that ment the world to me. today had to be the worst day cuz it was fucking hot plus im at work and to just top it off this happens. i knew when i came to this site that i wasnt gunna hold anything back and that if i was gunna write about my life i was gunna go full force. my ex also writes in this site. her name is pink lotion. now i know i really shouldnt be here blogging but i said i been reading her blog for so long what the hell lmao. i gotta admit that when i was chillin at work and my boss came to me and asked me how was my girl i started tearin up. i told him whats been happening and he was gunna give me a week off to just calm down and chill haha so i guess sumthing good came outta this even tho i didnt take it. see im a security supervisor for trump so i really dont do anything but tell otha people what to do and greet famous and rich people all day. well the whole day i been thinking of her and this whole thing and as much as im gunna miss her i think im really upset because im never gunna see her son again. see the whole time we was goin out i never wanted to chill wit her son when we first started goin out. thats when i didnt want kids and stuff. but at the end when i did see him and i knew that i wanted nothing more then to be his father.but it was to late. i could sit here and say wtf happen to us but i already know. see wanted to get an apt and move in wit me and start our family but i always stalled. at one point i was looking for sum apt by myself so i can make a list and be like look lets go to these places but it was to late she already found sumone else. now the reason i kinda say she loves me is because i always knew of the new man in her life but everytime i was wit her and i asked her are u to goin out she would say no we just talkin. when she came here to sleep ova on my vacation and we get drunk she even said that they didnt go out and i didnt even bring it up. hell she was followin my friend arould the house telling him that she loves me and that she wants me. like i said when she get tipsy she tells the true. i drunk mind speaks a suber heart is what she told me that night. shit even tho that night we had sex which means she cheated on her new man i thought i was gunna get her back but i was wrong. as i write this i feel like shit cuz im never gunna see what i like to call my son again. that hurts the most outta all this. i always used to think that when we did get our apt that i would come home and he would run to me and say hey daddy. thats basically what i been fighting for the whole 3 months. for him. i know one day shes gunna read this blog and be like im full of shit about everything i been writing but well see. well i kinda feel sumwhat better writing that but i know later on im gunna feel like shit. i know she dont care about me anymore and maybe its good that i know that. i always made her a promise and i always keep my promises that im still no matter what gunna be saving my money for our apt and even tho i know i have a better chance of hitting the lotto 3 times in a row im still gunna keep that promise besides if all goes well shell get her place in a few months and i would know i kept my promise. well thats all for today so stay tuned for my next blog titled heeeeee heeeeeee im numba so and so on hot blog hahahahaha