yeah i hate days when i wake up and feel sorry for myself. sometimes i let my feelings get the best of me and this is one of those times lol. im here thinking about shante and getting sad and i dont want that anymore. i guess some of the regrets i have our starting to get to me. i do miss her and tj alot and as i write this i feel really bad. i wish i could just press a button and forget everything man. sometimes i feel like going to her job and trying to get her back but id be a fool to do that.  the first woman i every wanted to marry and start my own family with. some days are better then others i guess. now shes getting married and gunna have someones baby. that hurts more then anything. see thats what makes me think about her and thats the family i wanted. i never wanted any of that before. i didnt want kids or to get married but then i meet her. i wanted to have a baby girl with her so bad and to get down on one knee and ask her to be my wife. i txt her sometimes but she doesnt answer me. in a way i wanna thank her for that cause if she did id be back to square one. just hate that i still have these feelings and know that she isnt even thinking about me. i know i shouldnt be thinking of her but these damn feelings just dont wanna go away. can sumone please hit me with a car so i can just forget everything lmao.

well on a different note my date on saturday went well. i picked her up we went to eat but when we got to the movies it was closed. can you believe on a saturday nigt the movies closes at 11pm?!?!?!?!?!?!?!. so we went to pick up two of my friends and went to a strip club haha yeah it wasnt my idea it was hers so we went there had some drinks and left. then took everybody home and went to sleep. so i guess all in all everything is good. anyway il keep yall posted