i dont even get to say goodbye to tj on tuesday . i txted her this morning to make sure i was still coming and she told me not to and when i asked wy she said she thought long and hard about it and since i didnt see him in the hospital when we was together then i shouldnt see him now. i have to admit i was in shock when she said that. see as everyone knows since you can read her blog she has cheated on me and when i found out i wasnt gunna give her a chance cuz she fucked up but she told me that it was in the past and that we should only look forward to the future and she was right so i gave her a chance. wish she can do the same for me. ill admit i wasnt the best bf in the begining but i changed. when i met her i didnt want a family or kids or my own just her and her son but i didnt act like it. i finally realized that i wanted my family when she told me she wanted a baby with me. so i maned up but it was to late for her. ill be the first to admit to anybody on here that i screwed up and trust me i already know that everything i done since we broke up just looks like me getting her back and thats cuz its true. i do want her back i love her but she doesnt see the good i do as just that good. she compares me to yamil saying i things like well i just started going out with him and hes done everything i want and i cant say anything cuz its true. the fucked up part about it is that even when i stopped asking her out and be her friend she cant deal with that cuz i dont like yamil. so since i dont like yamil i cant have a future in her sons life and thats not right. i got a few emails from sum people on this site telling me to read her new blog and i did. she said this and i qoute

"i basically told my ex boyfriend/friend that i cant see him anymore because i have a man now and i dont want to make excuses when i see my ex"

i read that and got a lil mad. me and her been friends for 2 and a half months now and she throws our friendship away for her boyfriend cuz she doesnt wanna make excuse to him??? well dont. tell him ur going to hang with me. im a friend damnit wtf. i mean to throw away our friendship cuz your pulling yamil on hold to chill with sumone you known longer is crazy. funny she said that i wouldnt tell all of you that i fucked up but she wont man up and tell everyone that she already cheated on yamil with me smh. why just tell my shit and not urs?? when we was hangin out going to lunch and i would talk about a family she isnt gunna tell you that she smiles and wants the samething or her telling me that shes gunna come over my apt when i move to jersey and chill and wait for me when im not there. ( she was gunna have a spare key) or my fave my getting a txt saying hurry up and get ur apt cuz times like these ( she was coming home from the hospital on a sunday)  so i can be there instead of going home. its just crazy that that she can say all these things and when it gets down to it just throw everything away for yamil. we talk almost all day when i get a chance to come to the hospital i go. ive taken off work to come see him one time and none of that gets looked at when she decided to not be friends anymore. just cuz this bastards slept there twice doesnt mean shit but i guess im just saying all this for nothing. it doesnt matter to her anymore. well at least shes gunna help me out with finding a apt yeah i alteast get that much. well ill txt her about that in the middle of decemder. hope just keeps her word we shall see. ill keep you guys posted

i been txting her almost none stop cuz i dont wanna not be in her sons life. i love him and her but it loks like yamil won and i lost. my last txt i told her that im sorry and that this is my only change so i asked her to marry me. if shes making excuses to come see me then there has to be sumthing there unless im just missing somthing watch i hope whom ever is reading this can tell me.