lastnight i didnt even sleep. how could i after everthing thats been happening? everything me and shante talked about saturday has been runing thru my mind and im starting to hate it. for the first time ever i think she really hates me. all i wanna do is be a good friend and be there for her and tj but why cant she see that what im doing is sincere? i know i made mistakes in the pass about him but should that affect the present now that i change and love her son like he was my own???? i dont ask for much just to be honest with me and let me hang with him sometimes thats all i want. i dont have no hidden ageda she knows upfront what i want.i understand that its her son and if she doesnt want me to see him but why now after  i seen him so many times. i just dont understand. maybe i wasnt meant to understand. just sucks that after almost two years i finally know what i wanted but didnt take the chance. i guess in some crazy way everything thats happening now i kinda deserve. just wish shante would see that everything im doing is sincere and wish she wouldnt look at the past. i love tj and ill prolly never see him again. i will pray that one day i do. ill keep yall posted