well where do i start?? well this past monday me and a friend dante where gunna pay our respects to tj but we didnt go. not cuz i didnt want to but cuz on sunday shante told me that theres no tombstone hes just buried. i know i shouldve went but i want there to be a tombstone at least i it sounds stupid but just want everything to be perfect i guess when i go to pay my respects to tj. i been thinking about him almost everyday since he passed. i really do miss him alot. yesterday when i got home shante sent me a pic of him layin in the coffin and i cried so bad my mother just looked at me and said its gunna be ok. i dont think ill ever forget him. me and shante gunna have lunch on monday and shes gunna give me a picture of him so i can have one and a few other things. i been thinking about visiting tjs grave alot and decided that im gunna go on christmas eve to do it. thats my christmas present to myself. im kinda glad tj came into my life but sad i didnt take advantage till the end. i guess in the end tj changed me into a better man. i dont think i can ever forgive myself for acting the way i did when i was with his mother but i hope he forgives me.

well as some of you know im moving to jersey cuz of a better job there but im kinda thinking of not going. i think im getting tired of working for trump co. i feel like i should do sumthing better. me and my friend were looking online for state and federal jobs and saw that the secert service was hiring. i been thinking about that for a while now and the test is in december 15. as much as i dont wanna mess up my chances with getting that job in jersey cuz it is a good one i might take this test or if i dont take it kno i might take it next time. i know i can pass that test hands down but i gotta see if im ready for sumthing like that. i guess just wanna do sumthing good with my life instead of playing around. well see. as always ill keep you posted