well i have to say that alot of people have really enjoy my blog lol. when i first came here i thought that no one would read it or even reply. even since i started writing about shante ive gotten alot of emails that range from advice on how to get her back to just leave her alone and see what happens. to this day i still get emails about her and me and whats been going on. so im gunna answer so of them here.

the most asked question is do me and her talk and do i still try to get her back. and the answer is no we havent talked since i fould out she was engaged. i love her alot and dont wanna ruin anything between her and yamil. i did however txt her yesterday to say my peace. i just told her that theres no hard feelings and that sorry things didnt work out for us. im sad that another man is taking what i like to call my wife but i dont think ill fight anymore to get her back. i tried everything i humanly could to get her back and nothing work. my last option was to buy a ring and ask her to marry me but i wasnt gunna do that cuz i knew the outcome lol.

another question i get is what apt did i want to get with her so heres the link.

http://www.rent.com/rentals/new-jersey/newark-jersey-city-and-vicinity/union/545151/

just click on preview pics when u click the link above and it wil show u inside pics of the apt i wanted to start our family in. i also showed her this yesterday cuz i was dyin to show her lol. i hope she looked at it. it is a nice place. see she wanted to rush things but when u do that shit never works. i was working hard to save money and get this as our spot to live. hell i might still live that hahah they do got one bedroom apts there lol.

well i guess this is the end for me and her. shes engaged and im not the type of man to take someone else girl. i told her i wish we could be friends but i dont want that i know what i want and i know what she wants so ill let her be. so folks whos been keeping up to date with me and her thanks for everything. thanks for all the advice. anyway as always ill keep you guys posted

hey everybody. its been awhile so figured i write something. well nothing has really  been happening. just work and trying to say as much money as i can so i can get my own place early next year. if everything goes well ill have around 15,000 for the apt and thing i need like tvs and couches and stuff like that. well i did find something out yesterday that kinda broke my heart. yesterdays shantes cellphone forwarded all her gmail to everyone on her list so i got them as well. i read the first one and it said that shes been engaged since last month. i read that and my heart just dropped. i guess my time of trying to get her back is over. no more tj and no more her. i wasnt gunna let her know that i know but said fuck it and told her. she said she was sorry and that i never proposed to her but she neva give me the chance to. i guess im alil pissed cuz i kno just like she knows i can take better care of tj then him. so we dont talk anymore to make a long story short. i feel so stupid trying to get her back and shes engaged. all this time shes telling me that she cares for me and the love is there and shes engaged smh. well i always told her that i would move on when she gets married and since it looks like its gunna happen i left. im mad as fuck cuz i wanted to be tjs daddy. o well im gunna miss him alot. i didnt even get a chance to say goodbye to him :(

anyway thats it for that. today is wednesday so it means its gunna be a loooong day for me. im at work if ur wondering lol. guess ill look for more apts and see what i find in jersey city or hoboken. i also have to update my resume and give it to my boss so he can give it to his boss so i can get a hallman job at one of the trump buildings over there so i hope that goes thru. other then that im ok my familys ok and nothing else to say so as always ill keep you posted!!

hey everyone. i been getting a few message about shante from my last post and instead of answering all of them ill just make a post. i did change my number and when i did it i felt like a new person. we talked the next day on email about her son and i told her that i wanted to visit him and she said to come today but when we talked today she said she didnt wanna be my friend anymore. its kinda sad that now that i have my feelings for her under control it was to late i did tell her that i wanna be friends but she hasnt responed back so i guess thats it for us. i told her that ill always be there for her and tj even tho we arent friends. i think im gunna take a break from everything. just turn my cell phone off and my computer and just get my life together. theres alot of things i have to get ready for ( my apt ) so ill start looking for that or doing research on good areas. who knows what the future holds for me and her but most likely its nothing. im sad that it ended bad but i dont regret anything and just want her happy. well see you guys soon and ill keep you post

just something about the rain makes me feel good. i like bad weather period. dont get me wrong i love the nice sunny days but theres nothing like a nice rainy day to just stay home and relax, to bad im at work . anyway hope everybodies doing ok. im sumwhat ok but thats better then being sad so ill take it lol. been searching all morning for a apt on rent.com. dont know why im even looking now since i wont move till the end of the year. moving to jerseys gunna be kinda hard cuz i dont know jersey like that and the only person helping (shante) i dont talk to anymore but il find sumone to show me the good parts of jersey.

lastnight i didnt go to sleep till late 11pm. me and shante was talking for our last time. i guess we just wanted one good convo before we parted ways. its kinda sad that i cant be her friend but i know what i want and i dont wanna settle for less. she told me she loves me and cares for me so ill leave it at that plus tj remembers who iam so im happy about that lol. speak of the devil she just txted me about her son. i think thats the only way i would ever answer back. yesterday when i saw her she told me one of her coworkers thought i was tjs dad hahaha that put  smile on my face but like barnabus said in my last post shes already starting her life so i dont wanna be the thrid wheel plus us telling each other how we feel isnt right to her bf.

anyway im off to get some lunch any ideas what to get??? oh and if anybody knows any good spots in jersey to live let me know!!!!

still having problems with getting there messages???

well today has been a real eye opener for me. i had to drop something off to shante today but i had it in my mind for about to weeks that i wasnt gunna be her friend anymore. i just cant do it. so i want give her the stuff i promise i was gunna get her and then we walked to a bookstore then back to her job where i basically told her that. i wanted her to let me go cuz i cant let her go. well that didnt go to well. i tried to explain to her that i havent been happy for a long time cuz i couldnt get over her since she was still in my life. i told her that i still love her and that i dont wanna be there when she moves in with her boyfriend. she told me about a week ago that she still loves me and cares for me but what good is that if your not with me? why tell me that knowing that i love you and that i want her back but you wont be with me?? i just wanna be happy and i couldnt do that with the way i feel about her and her still being in my life. well like i said she didnt take that well infact she didnt care one bit. i was tryin to have a good convo before we parted ways and she just acted like fuck you get outta here so i justed walked away. so i guess that moment i walked away is the moment i started to get my shit together. right now im trying to get my life straight get my apt in jersey by the end of the year and then ill take it from there . i told her i didnt wanna end things on a bad note and she said it wasnt so atleast i got that in the end lol. like i said before i rather have her love me and not be there then us bein friends and then me fucking it up sumhow cause of me feelins. anyway ill keep you guys posted

well this is a follow up to my last post called to good day. yeah i thought they were going to be two good days. friday i didnt see her son and saturday we didnt see each other. i didnt care so much about meeting up but i did wanna see her son. o well hes doin good so im happy for that. anyway im gunna see her tomorrow to talk to her about sumthing so we'll see how that goes. anyway u better be on yahoo tomorrow in the morning cuz i know your reading this lol. YOU know who you are lol. anyway ill keep you posted

hey everybody!! well i been some what busy with work and other things so i figured id write something now that i have some time to. well this friday im taking a day off to go see shantes son at the hospital so im really happy for that. this monday i saw her to give her son a get well gift. i got him a lil remote control car, a sponge bob pillow and a few other things lol well like i said friday im gunna see him and saturday i got a hotel room for me and shante to chill in. i kno what you guys are thinking so get your mind outta the gutters damnit!!!! i just want to chill and give her a nice stress free day since all she does is work and hospital with her son. so dinner a few drinks and movies. well thats it for now ill write more later on. as always ill keep you guys posted

oh and i got me a new mp3 player yay!!!!! back to hearing music everywhere i go again. if anybody looking for a good mp3 player the get the iriver clix gen 2 its the best!!!

hahahahah go to this site and watch the lil video in the beginning dont press enter. shutthefuckup.com. just copy and paste

lol well another rainy friday is upon me. yup i hate and love rain, hate it cuz im at work and it makes the day go by soooooo slow and love it cuz its nice and cool and sure as hell beats it being hot lol. well not alot has been happening just working and saving money to get a apt in jersey. i started doing alil bit of research and found some nice apts over there and for cheap. i would get a place here in new york but everything here is to much. some places want a 1200 for just a studio apt. yeah ok fuck that!!!. well i have a lil problem well not really a problem but a concern. i been keeping contact with shante cause her son is in the hospital and shes been keeping me updated on him. i dont know if shes wrote about it but she txted me lastnight that hes cancer is back i think in his bone marrow or something like that. so i had 2 sleepless nights thinking about that. i wanna see him but dont think thats best. i got him a get well gift so ill be seeing her on monday to give her that,. i hope it cheers him up  and also her bday present. since i wont have time next month to do it. well other then that thats it. well back to trying to get tough cookie to buy me a mp3 player hahahah j.p. ill keep you guys posted as always

hey everyone!!! yeah i know its been awhile since i posted anything but nothing really good has happen. my weekend was boring and im at work now so thats that lol. well last night i got a phonecall from a friend asking for a favor and i said no and she got mad. like wtf is that about. i always help people and when im the one that needs the help its always some shit!! anyway you can say these past couple of days i have cut alot of people outta my life tht i dont need. anyway as for me and shante as soooo many people love to ask about we still friends and we planning to go to dinner, just me her and tj (her son). thats a early birthday gift and i also got her somthing as a first apt gift lol. figured i give her all this stuff in one shot since god knows whens the next time ill see her. i get alot of messages asking me about her and this ones my fave " hey do you read her blog" and the answer is no damnit!!! i dont haha. anyway im gunna take things slow with her. i still love her which sucks but someone sent me a message saying well if she loved you she would be with you and thats soooooo right. i know i said in a few of my blogs that i would wait for her but i dont think i will. no sence in doing that when i know she doesnt care about me the way i do. so this is my last blog writing about her haha. like i said we friends and we'll see where that goes. anyway  other then that thats it my lifes been pretty boring. well im off ill keep you guys posted

god i havent slept good in 2 days and im soooooooooooooooooooo tired!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im at work right now and it feels like i been here for 12 hours and i just started 55 minutes ago. god i hope this isnt gunna be a long day :(. anyway everything is going good with me and ill post something alil bit better later on