well i been trying to help with shantes stress since her son is still in the hospital and i hope its working. as much as i hate to say this but im starting to think that hes not gunna make it but i pray that im wrong. i dont wanna see anything happen to him. im talkin to shante now as i write this tryin to make her laugh with my foolishness hahaha its working so far or i think it is. lastnight she kinda brung up maxi again. she told me that she always thought i liked her. i told her hell nah nicca!! hahaha shes just my friend. im kinda surpised at myself. i neva given up on anything before but her. i dont wanna but dont have a choice its either try to get her back make her mad and lost 2 of the most important people of me life ( her son is the second ) or be her friend and side by her side thru all that life throws at her. so i chose. im gunna see her monday cuz i got her son a cartoon so he can watch while at the hospital and we are gunna have lunch also. maybe i can take her mind of off things for a few hours its the least i can do. well ill keep you guys posted as always.

its funny today i get a txt from shante saying she read my blog and said sumthing about my date with my friend maxi. aint this sum shit. outta everything i ever wrote  about shante and how i want her back and my family after yesterday me going to see her son and us having a good time she brings this up. she said that i should of told her. why??? its not like me and maxi was gunna start dating or anything it was just a date. she said she wasnt mad. o really well if she wasnt mad why bring it up??? she said sumthing along the lines of  i shouldve told her if we were friends yet she didnt tell me that next month she was getting married. so why even bring that up??? everything was going so well and now we arent friends? as much as i love her shes a dummy. how can you have feelings for me and know that im a better choice then yamil and still be with him. the first time i was tryin to be a fucking friend and she pulls this shit. she said no hard feelings but there is on my end. im fucking pissed cuz she knows shes fucking up. yeah she dont got no feelings she wants me to hurry up and get my apt over there so she can come over and hang with me. i was gunna give her a spare key cuz i trust her and i lost keys alot lol and she said oh well cani chill at ur spot when ur not there so when u come home we can chill. how can everything go so good lastnight and do a complete 360 cuz i went on a date wit a friend??? she said i can have maxi help me find a apt and maybe i should be with her? yet she dont care???? i told her to read my whole blog cuz its bascally about how much i love her and wanna be with her but did she do that. i bet you she didnt!!! anyway we aint friends no more and for the frist time its not my fault. i told her at least we had fun lastnight and i got to see tj. so no regrets.

well i went to go see shantes son and things couldnt have been worst lol. at times like this i gotta laugh at some of the shit that goes down in my life. well before i started my 2 hour ride to the hospital i got a txt from shante saying she had some bad news. so im already thinking the worst. anyway i left my job at 345 and got there at 6. it gets better folks well im on the bus almost there i get a txt sayin that her boyfriend is coming but i have alot of time to hang with tj before he comes so im like cool. boy was she wrong i got there at 6pm and had to leave at 6:18 because her boyfriend was downstairs. so we think hes coming up so we started to walk down to the bus stop and he was right there waiting for us. so i had to sit there and watch them kiss and shake hes hand smh. so when we get to the bus stop she ask if im mad i say yes and just get on the bus.  oooooh but guess what i get on the right bus but it was goin to the path train!!!! so im lost i finally had to walk like 15 blocks in a place i never been to to get to the path train so i get home around 8pm. as for tj hes not doing so well. she told me that theres nothing they can do for him there so they might have to send him to a hospital in philly. i hope they dont. im getting kinda scared now cause i dont want anything to happen. well thats it in a nut shell. after all that the 18 minutes i spent with tj was the best 18 minutes of my life. i really do love him. anyway as always ill keep you posted

damn im gunna start this post with a damn its hot comment lol. its already oct and its kinda hot today in ny. anyway im at work as always and nothings been happen that much. i kinda started looking for apts in jersey with shante on monday. nothing serious just checking the newspapers and her telling me which places are nice and which arent. today im gunna FINALLY visit her son at the hospital after work. she asked me if i wanted to come and i said hell yeah!!!! lmao. its been along time since i sen him and glad im gunna see him for a hour or two. as for me and her we doing good nothing to say really. well thats it all keep yall posted as always

well i handed in all my paperwork for this new job now just waiting for them to call me. well i had my building manager email the man who hires people and the next day he pulled me to the side and said that i got the job so im kinda happy about that but i want the guy to call me and confirm that lol. even tho i think i got it since my building manager said i did im still a lil nervous cause i dont want them to call me like no u didnt get it for some dumb ass reason. plus i want him to hurry up and confirm it so i know when i start so i can start looking for apts in jersey since thats where ill be starting this new job. i have shante helping me with that. everything between me and her is ok so cant complain beside if i do whos gunna listen haha i like that saying hee hee. anyway i also have my friend dante helping me and he found a loft that we gunna check out as soon as he gets the info. well that s it for now ill keep you posted as always!!!!

yup its been really busy these last two days of work. i finally got my resume and letters of recommadtions printed and signed!!! god thats been on my mind for weeks now haha. well im gunna give them to my boss either later on today or early tomorrow so he can give it to his boss. wish me luck people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!